Edit: I wanted to have this blog out a week and a half ago, but it didn’t happen. I wrote and rewrote this blog until I was happy with it. Hopefully this is helpful!
Ah, here we are. I thought this might be a fun topic to write about! This one might be a bit messy since my thoughts on the subject are all over the place. I have dated people who have been one hundred and twenty percent supportive of my job, and I have dated people who asked me to quit and were possessive. I have seen it all at this point. So here we go!
Modeling and relationships.
I know that some of you must be wondering if those two words even belong in the same sentence. The answer: They can!
If you have the right partner and a healthy relationship.
Part 1: Dating?…
Juggling both my regular life and my work life has always been a struggle. Add keeping myself healthy in there and everything feels near impossible. I just love to move fast and do a million different things at once. I believe that is in part why I love modeling and acting so much. I get to run around all the time and experience so many different things, and meet a lot of different people. This initially made dating very, very hard.
Dating was interesting because most people totally did not understand my job. When I would tell someone that I was a working model, I think they assumed that I did free shoots for Instagram posts and wanted to call myself a “model” for fun. I still tell strangers that I work “in marketing” because explaining that I am a model and actress is way too much of a headache… especially since I do such a mix of styles. It’s a lot to digest.
I have been with partners who liked my job and partners who hated my job. I’ve thrived in partnerships where my career was supported and encouraged. There is nothing quite like showing your partner photos from a shoot and hearing them genuinely tell you that you crushed it. Or watching a loved one see a commercial you acted in and be proud. It’s a great feeling.
It is difficult to focus at a shoot if you are thinking about how your partner would rather you not be modeling. I’ve been there! I have also been that new, naive model who brought a boyfriend to a shoot, thinking that it would help him feel more comfortable with modeling. Boy, was I wrong. That backfired! I think that sealed the deal with this particular partner loathing me doing shoots, and it led to me taking a break from photo shoots for a bit. (Disclaimer: This partner was fine with trade show modeling, but not photo shoots).
Part 2: Single, but hold the mingle
I think that I was able to accomplish the most at once while I was unapologetically single. I’m holding my breathe while I say this though because 2020 has been really good to me in terms of gigs, even though I’m a new mom and we are in the midst of a pandemic. The reason why I was able to accomplish a lot at the time was that I wasn’t tied to any person or place. I could hop on a plane and go to another city for work whenever I wanted. Seattle in 72 hours? Sure, no problem. Driving to LA for 10 days? Yeah, let me pack the dogs in the car and make sure someone can take care of my cat! I’m there!
I was also very mentally free at this time. I didn’t want kids, I didn’t want to settle down, and I certainly didn’t want to be tied to a nine to five. Modeling is a “selfish” career, and I got to live this out in this period of my life. It was great! If this is you right now… work it. Enjoy it. I’m a teeny bit jealous. My free spirit is trying not to open another tab and look at flights to Chicago or Seattle right now. LOL.
Ps. if you are thinking about becoming a traveling model but don’t know where to start… message me!
Part 3: Modeling Mom-del
Oh, to be 22 and running through the airport with a bag full of shoot outfits again. Even though I do miss the freedom I used to have, I would not change my life for the world now. I love being a mom, and I love being a partner.
Being a working mom who uses her body so much requires a lot of extra time and energy. There’s the shoots, the styling, the eating, the exercising, the sleeping, the self care, the networking… all of these things are required for success as a model and they take up time. This of course comes second to caring for my munchkin now. I find ways to squeeze it in. I also have to make sure that my partner gets enough attention, and again, I’m not the greatest at balancing everything when I get overwhelmed. We try to spend time together at night when I am not working. For anyone who doesn’t know me well, my brain shuts off at about 7 pm. There is no work that gets done late at night! #morningpersonsortof
Boudoir has been the main challenge for me in my relationship now. After all, boudoir typically requires very little clothing and sometimes risk-taking poses. When I was single, I didn’t think twice about my outfits or posing. However, as one half of a partnership, I now think about how what I am shooting makes my partner feel. I have boundaries for boudoir shoots that both my partner and I are comfortable with. I don’t shoot nude work. I don’t fraternize with clientele after shoots and go right home to be a mom (with the exception that a client is already like family to me). There should be compromise within a healthy relationship when it comes to modeling.
My other main challenge has been scheduling. I really don’t do TFP shoots because modeling is my job, and setting up a TFP shoot always runs the risk of the other person wasting my time by cancelling last minute or no showing. Mom free time is very valuable. My partner lets me accept paid bookings whenever I need, but I have to respect Family Day if we already have plans and not book shoots on that day. I have to remember to be courteous to my partner and respect family plans. Since his schedule is weird now due to pandemic times, I also TRY (I say “try” because this is something I am still working on) to be courteous about his sleep schedule so that he isn’t sleep deprived for work while I am off on a shoot.
So many more moving pieces when you have a family. I’ll stop there though for now. I could keep going.
In conclusion…
In an ideal world of course, models would be able to be in wonderful, healthy relationships with trusting partners.
The best advice I can give would be to do what is right for you. I know models who have incredibly supportive partners and travel the U.S. shooting art nude work with their partner in tow. I know some who have left fashion modeling for a partner as their partner didn’t want them doing it anymore, and they made the decision to quit altogether. I also know models who have left their partners who didn’t want them in front of a camera because they felt it was going to cause more problems than it was worth, and they did not want to give up modeling. Relationships are all so different so you need to do what is best for you and do what will make you happy.
Communication is key. So are open conversations. This is not a job that you can hide… especially if you begin doing it seriously. I encourage you to date someone you trust, who also trusts you. Keep an open line of communication always.
For questions, please contact me via email
